A huge sized car with 4 balls (Oh sorry circles…) on its front was lined in the traffic among other relatively insignificant moving boxes. I was walking down the
Anger against destiny and complains against God. I took a huge last puff off the cigarette, crushed it with my boots in Rajnikant style and decided to do an Amitabh Bachhan on the God. I scampered off to a nearest temple with a vengeance and beckoned him for a face off (I chose male god for males are more emotional than females).
There was a eerie silence for a few seconds broken only by another loud scream of challenge.
Finally the almighty seemed to be provoked enough for the confrontation and made an entry with the usual fanfare of lighting and the Ravindra Jains’ Mahabharata music.
How kiddish and wannabe. The evolved ones don’t resort to much of razzmatazz .It seems that they have been watching too much of WWE up above. What else can justify an Undertaker like entry?
At the first appearance without sharing any pleasantries I shouted at the god for doling out a raw deal to me
Me: “Kya bhagwan.. See that fellow in Olympics car” God was a little dumbfounded to hear “Which Olympics car” he said
Me: The one that was stuck in traffic with four balls on its front”
God:” Arey Murkh that is called Audi”
Me: Whatever.. See that’s exactly what I have come here to discuss with you. .why have you eluded me of these good things of life”
“
I had not even finished the sentence that the god descended on me
“U ehsaan faramosh .. Are u suffering from short term memory loss or what… Just yesterday you had goofed up by replacing N with G while addressing your Boss Nandu kishore in a mail and the moment you realized the blunder you frantically tried to cancel the mail while squealing “God please save me”
Every other day you have constipation you call for my mercy…Do you think I am a Kayam churn or what.”
I retorted. - “Its okay.. I may have done that and anyways that’s your Job to help the mankind.”
Almighty immediately snapped back upon hearing this “OHOO..AHAA look who is preaching about the job. The flawless Goofer who can’t do a thing without making a mistake. But I must appreciate your consistency”
But I was in no mood to let this conversation segue into an unwanted territory. I was there for a purpose. I told him to cut the crap and listen to me “Mera number kab ayega” I said sternly. God grinned with an irritating glee in his eyes and said “Shyadad Kabhi nahi kyon ki tere number bahut kam hain”
I asked “what numbers are you talking about”
“Everywhere.. Your numbers in school, college and also now in appraisal forms” He replied.
I was astonished by the indifference and shouted back saying “What the hell do you mean by less numbers!! I scored more than 60% in my graduation”
“Oh yeah 60%..But was it not the lowest in the class of 80?”He asked tauntingly
“It was again not my mistake your fortune writers seem to have a personal agenda against me. If those scheming buggers fated me to be in class of super intelligent (champions of mugging , to be honest) what is my fault in it?.
Rather it’s your failure as a super boss of this creation .You don’t know what is happening in your universe. Have you ever reviewed the work of the company you have outsourced the fortune writing to?
Have you ever tried to find out the gadbad ghotala and biases they make while documenting destinies of the mankind? You are just lying in your cosy 3 BHK apartment watching either wrestling or MTV roadies or chatting to apsaras of the swarglok”
And by the way, I know that you have regular scuffles with your consorts over your dalliances. However, I am not that cheap to sneak into your personal life. But I must say that this outsourcing thing has completely spoiled you”
God was completely astounded and also caught unprepared by the accusation and asked angrily “What bakwas are you doing. I know everything that is happening and you better stay clear from that chatting thing and get to the point”
I was overwhelmed for having caught the smartest one wrong footed and asked “Okay tell me fast when I am going to be rich and famous, I don’t have much time to waste in this conversation”
God, who by this time had realized that I was not like a mere mortal vulnerable hero of Hollywood movie whom he can get around easily , but a super powered and insurmountable Bollywood super star , said” See child, going by the readily available information that I have of you , the chances are grim but still I will go through your complete record personally in detail and see if there is an iota of good deed and hard work that merits some good destiny”
“But I must tell you that our complaint register is replete with the poor souls who have fallen victim to your mischievous tendencies and vagaries of your naughtiness”.
Though I knew what he was referring to , I feigned complete ignorance and acted completely astonished and shocked by the accusation ” What do you mean by complaints. I have never ever teased a fly”
Luckily, the god was in a hurry and wanted to leave for he had to judge a Bhajan singing talent show organized in heaven by Gulshan Kumar…
He asked me to come over next day morning and continue this discussion. By then, he also promised to personally go through my record for the analysis of my destiny.
I was also in a need of breather to prepare for my defense” Bye and see you tomorrow morning at 9.15 and you better be ready with the final solution tomorrow” I said
The god wished me bye and all the best for the next and disappeared. However, no music this time…Musician may have gone off to sleep bored by this conversation or electricity cut….GOD KNOWS !!!
3 comments:
TERA NUMBER JALDI AEYAGA for that 4 balloons car.
Actually you have got the highest numbers if we sum up all activities/skills of life. Be +ve, look to your good qualities and then you will find that you have not any single bug in your life. God have given you many skills/knowledge ,thinking power which that AUDI man may not have and that AUDI is not equal to even one of your skill. JUST THINK OF WHAT YOU HAVE. GOOD LUCK.You are the best.
I liked the replacing N with G thing.......i wud have been all over if i were u, man u just rock baby
A while back, I had 'almost' the same confrontation with God when I was going to get groceries, I parked my car and saw a sportier and a shinier car parked next to me. It had a 'Trishul' in front of it and I thought maybe Lord Shiva was giving a visit to the Grocery Store and might be a good opportunity to have a chat with him...I waited for him to appear but sigh...it turned out to be dude's Maserati who gave me a smile and rode away in that beauty...
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